Bible Stuff That Won't Bore You

Christians dating non-Christians: a recipe for disaster

Let's be honest, when looking for a partner it seems next to impossible to find someone that feels like a perfect match.   Finding someone to spend your life with is kind of like baking a cake. A really big, complicated, impossible to eat cake whose recipe always changes right along with your taste and personality.

Let’s be honest, when looking for a partner it seems next to impossible to find someone that feels like a perfect match.

Finding someone to spend your life with is kind of like baking a cake. A really big, complicated, impossible to eat cake whose recipe always changes right along with your taste and personality.

To be happy in a relationship with someone, so many ingredients have to fall into place like:

  • Personality
  • Sense of humor
  • Values
  • Spiritual persuasion
  • Finances
  • Timing
  • Appearance
  • Maturity
  • Life goals

I could probably go on for the next few hours and still not catch everything, but you get the point.

Ever since I was introduced to the magical, story book fairy tales of disney, I believed in the idea that love would lead someone to face any obstacle, and pay any price.

Despite my hopes and intentions of meeting a nice, sweet Christian girl, and despite being around churches all of my life, I can’t recall any Christian girls or women that I would have chosen as lifelong partners, let alone someone who felt like they were a fairy tale romance.

Call me shallow, but I never met anyone that was the right mix of personality and appearance that I was attracted to, and I never met anyone that I felt God was specifically instructing me to be with either.

So what was I supposed to do, not date?

I mean come on, I can’t just sit around and be single right?



Okay, so pretty much everyone has heard, and sometimes willingly ignored, the scripture that even non-Christians refer to on this subject:

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers

I have read this verse ever since I was young, and always just took it at face value.

However, I looked into the greek text and found this verse says something different than what I thought:

Here is an updated version based on the greek text:

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be yoked together with [those who do not trust in God]

When it comes to our relationship with God, one of the main things that we work towards is trusting Him, and letting go of our desire to control our lives according to our own will.

Based on this, it’s not hard to see why the main reason a relationship between a Christian and non-Christian would fail is because there is a completely different set of guidelines being followed when navigating life’s challenges.

In times of trouble, a Christian will seek God in prayer and, hopefully, find peace in the midst of turmoil. A non-Christian however, will not run to the same place of refuge, and will have a very different approach to dealing with a crisis.

There have been times when I have prayed and asked God for guidance during a situation and He has told me to do things that made no sense to me at the time, but they always turned out to be the right thing. Based on God’s guidance, I have extended myself to what looked like a financial breaking point, walked away from lucrative business deals, moved to an entirely different city, and made a variety of other life altering decisions.

There is no way in the world I could have done those things while in a relationship with someone who was not a Christian as it would be insanity to follow after someone’s “god” if they did not believe that they were real.

“Oh sure, I’ll quit my job, put my career on hold, and move with you to the middle of nowhere because God told you… yeah, I’ll get right on that.”

The choice would then be to either follow God’s call or live in a way that pleases the non-believing spouse.

This is a horrible set of choices to have to make over the course of a life time, and no matter how good that cake smells in the oven, it is guaranteed to fall flat.

All satire and introspection aside, it is important to note that God would love to give us an amazing relationship with someone who really loves Him, so why settle for someone who doesn’t?

No matter how good people try to be, it also makes sense to want to be with someone who is working to emulate God’s perfect love. They will make a good parent, spouse, and most importantly, they will make a very good friend.

And one thing that I have learned lately, is that we ourselves could be an amazing answer to someone else’s prayers for a God centered relationship!

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  • As a believer I had a few short-lived(thank God!) dating episodes that proved to be more disheartening & turbulent (to say the least) than anything else. So I’ve learned very early on to avoid trouble.

    Obeying God leads to a less stressful, productive, stable and happy life. Just think of Samson and Delilah and that should be enough to keep things in perspective. It just doesn’t pay to be outside of God’s will. It will always end in a catasrophe that could have been avoided, if you weren’t so hard-headed.

    And don’t believe the lie that God has someone for you that you will be repulsed by. Rather think of Isaac and Rebekah, Abraham and Sarah, , Jacob and Rachel, Ruth and Boaz. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. We forget that God knows our tastes and our needs and he will fulfill them. Just trust Him. I promise he won’t stear you wrong.

    • Hello. I dated a lot of non-Christians in my dating career. Well, okay, they were actually all non-Christians. I could say “Woe is me, I keep dating losers!” but the reality is, I was being the loser! How so? It’s simple. I was knowingly dating people that I knew it would never work with, so I was wasting both their time and mine. I dated one girl for six years before we finally split up.
      I genuinely believe that God has someone that will delight both His heart and mine, and I had a pretty funny experience once when I was praying to God asking for a spouse. I was about twenty-seven, and God simply said to me: “Why would I give you one of my daughters?”

      That cut through my self-centered will like a hot knife through things that melt like hot butter when a knife cuts through it. God wanted to give me one of his daughters, but he was just saying I wasn’t in a place where I would treat them with the respect that they would deserve. It reminded me of the time when Jesus was speaking to the rich young ruler who loved money, because Jesus told the guy off, but He did it out of love and a desire to speak the truth:

      Mark 10:17-22
      As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
      “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'”

      “Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”

      Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

      At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.

      The long and short of it is, God was speaking to me in a loving way that exposed the reality that I wasn’t aware of–that I had a lot of work to do before I could get to a place where I was ready to have a proper relationship.

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