Hello, I thought I would talk about something new today!
After speaking with a lot of Christians who entered into their early adult years without having dated much during high school, I noticed a funny pattern
And not to be someone who just says “You can’t have a cookie. Why? Because I said so!”, as I believe we should be able to explain why the Bible tells us something is bad, or good, especially when it involves something that is appealing to us, but the Bible says is bad
Anyway, the pattern I noticed is that a lot of young Christians go out into the world and start dating non-Christians, and I started to ask myself why this was
One thing I noticed is that Christians are often raised thinking the best of people, and depending on their churches and home environment, they are used to being around people who are striving to be righteous and improve themselves
But, when they are wading into the deep end of the non-Christian dating pool without water wings, this makes them bad at selecting partners!
I don’t just mean bad, I mean terribad!
I can’t even begin to count how many relationships I have witnessed, or been in, that involved a Christian getting tossed around like a rag doll on the emotional high-seas of tempestuous relationships
This is especially true once a relationship becomes physical, as for the most part, Christians are generally more prudent before entering into the realm of physical intimacy, mostly
Generally speaking, mainstream culture encourages people to experiment, to “have fun”, to enjoy their youth and beauty by sharing it with others, to show off what they have, etc…
Unfortunately, if a Christian is raised in a home where this type of behavior was never discussed openly other than it being labeled as “bad”, it will sucker punch a young Christian who is used to relationships being centered on loyalty, intimacy, trust, and all the other relationship traits that only seem to exist in fairy tales for most couples
An example of this is that a Christian will usually be very loyal to someone if they have sex
Not to say they should be doing this without a ring on their finger, but if it does happen, the emotional and intellectual attachment is often very intense. But, depending on the person they are involved with, it may mean the same thing to their partner, or it may not
This is especially true when people are between the ages of 16 – 21 (or so) as these are the ages people are typically out to have “fun”, experiment, and “discover” who they are
A lot of times people stay in bad relationships because they feel validated, cared for or have some other wound in their hearts remain hidden rather than be healed by Jesus–turning to another human being only deals with our symptoms, not our core issues like the fear of rejection, loneliness, insecurity, etc…
Another good, but sometimes ill applied, characteristic of Christians, is that since they want to think positively of people, they often find themselves in situations where they are holding out hope for a relationship that should have been let go of a long time ago
Depending on the partner, sometimes this well intended devotion can result in a lot of emotional damage and lowered self-esteem
One thing that I realized, after burning a decade of my life that I will never get back, is that despite my hopes for others and myself, some people just don’t want to get better, improve themselves, or be in an emotionally intimate relationship
In summary, when entering into a relationship with someone, it is important to know the rules of the game or you may be crying foul to a referee that doesn’t exist