Personal Blog

Difficult conversations result in growth

Regardless of a couple's best intentions and desires to present the most likable sides of their personalities forward, at any point in a relationship, the shiny sparkles have a potential to fade away in the flash of an eye unless there is a solid foundation   As a couple, it is important to be able to tell a partner when their behavior, attitude or friends are impacting the relationship in a way that is not healthy, because it is in their response that shows how strong the relationship really is

Regardless of a couple’s best intentions and desires to present the most likable sides of their personalities forward, at any point in a relationship, the shiny sparkles have a potential to fade away in the flash of an eye unless there is a solid foundation

As a couple, it is important to be able to tell a partner when their behavior, attitude or friends are impacting the relationship in a way that is not healthy, because it is in their response that shows how strong the relationship really is

Nuh-uh!

No matter how good a relationship is, there are always going to be times when negative situations need to be addressed as life is filled with opportunities to solve problems and challenges

Navigating these times is a good way to get to know a partner as some of these negative situations revolve around their behavior, attitude or even their friends

It is an interesting experience to watch how someone reacts to having something constructively pointed out as an improvement point, as it is a chance for them to show how responsive or respectful they are of someone’s feelings

Of course, if someone walks up and voices their opinion by yelling and screaming at the other person that is bound to start a negative discussion, but if someone voices a concern in a rational, positive way but the request gets a “Nuh-uh!” reaction that shows partner is in denial or just doesn’t want to hear anything about the topic, it is a reflection of deeper personality and communication issues

Neither one is a good thing!

How Should Someone React To Their Partner Not Having Healthy Emotional And Physical Boundaries

I am sure at some point everyone has been in a situation where a partner has one of those “friends” they like to hang out with that you know they have inappropriate feelings for, have lingering doubts about a co-worker that seems a little friendly toward a spouse, or we have dated that girl who flirts and hangs off one of our friends while at Disneyland right in front of us

In these situations we are faced with the decision to either say something or do something, or, sit by and passively watch our lives become miserable as we lower our self-esteem under the guise of “being patient” with a partner

Most times, people generally don’t go out of their way to address situations early as they feel it is confrontational, but it usually winds up biting them later

So what is the recommendation?

Do you and your partner a favor and do not back away from difficult conversations as they are the key to growth for both of you, even if your partner doesn’t see or understand what you are saying, the problem still needs to addressed anyway

Also, if your partner just doesn’t understand what is going on and never seems to “get” you, chances are you are probably in the wrong relationship

If You Can’t Take The Heat, Get Out Of The Relationship

Whether it is a crush your partner has, a marriage proposal that never comes, a vacation that never gets planned, children that never get born or a career change that never takes place, always make sure to keep your best interests at heart by purposefully raising issues with your partner as they come up

Don’t wait idly by hoping problems just go away because they probably won’t or they wouldn’t be problems in the first place and they will only fester overtime which will create anger, resentment, and animosity

And, most of all, by standing up for yourself you will be someone that you respect!

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  • This blog made me cry. This describes me and my Husband to a *T* married since 1993, together since 1988, a daughter almost 11 years who was diagnosed with Leukemia in 2009. So many many many times I have tried, with a soft heart and compassion to tell my Husband to stop doing certain behaviors (the one that really hurts me is his play Spanking with our daughter.) When I have asked him to do this the reply is always *You cant tell me how to be with our daughter.* The last time he did this, last Fall, he threatened to leave and said maybe I was just sick of him. I asked if he would consider counseling. He said he has no time and we have no money. Year after year there are excuses and blaming. Someday I will leave. I am over 40 and desire a deep intimate relationship with my Spouse. Someone I can talk to without fear of being judged. Someone I can be with without the double standard. Thanks for writing such a great blog.

    • Hi Allie
       
      I am so sorry to hear about the situation with your husband and daughter, I sincerely hope that things resolve and will lift this up in prayer, what are their names?
       
      It is tough to keep on communicating when we feel that our honest emotions are going to be met with a negative response, but continue to seek God’s guidance and direction for how to proceed
       
      We are told to love our enemies, but this can be hardest when it feels like those “enemies” are the ones we wake up next to every day
       
      I love you Allie, and hope that you and your daughter find respite from what sounds like a terrible situation

    • Allie, your comment brought me to tears.

      My heart goes out to you; I have been thinking about you the last few days.

      You are in my prayers. May God hold you and your family in his arms.

  • I agree with Allie. I met my husband Richard 19 years ago. We’ve been married 10 of them and we also have a daughter named Marissa. We find it very difficult at times to go up to Richard and talk to him about he’s behavior. I get so nervous and even scared because i don’t want to upset him. The times i am able to build up the courage to talk to him about something that is bothering me he just looks at me and says ” Now what, Don’t even start”. So instead of starting an argument and name calling on his part i just walk away left with such an ugly feeling in my stomache. Then the threats of filing for a divorce come up or he’ll move out and things like that. Richard knows he’s word and studies he’s bible daily but when things don’t go he’s way he forgets everything. I feel like i’m in this marriage all by my self alot of the time. I’m here for him in every way possible but i just don’t get the same from him and that hurts.

    • Hi Beatriz
       
      The scripture that comes to mind regarding your husband is
       
      James 1:22-24
      Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like
       
      In reading about your situation, it sounds like you really are alone in the relationship, especially since there isn’t the freedom to express your feelings or thoughts in a way that is met with positivity or even polite regard
       
      This is not a scriptural way to act at all
       
      Ephesians 5:28-30
      In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body
       
      I will lift your marriage situation up in prayer as this sounds like a really awful situation, what is your daughter’s name?
       
      Your husband’s behavior sounds like he doesn’t want to be emotionally intimate due to the fear of vulnerability, did anything happent to him when he was young that would make him defensive about having what feels like faults pointed out?

    • Beatriz, your story breaks my heart. I am praying that God works with you and your husband to heal any brokenness. You are not alone.

      John 14:18 – I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

      Psalms 46:1-3 – God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

  • You write some of the best pieces I read. They always have a serious topic mixed with just the right mix of humor. I love it!

    Relationships are sometimes tough. I’ve been in my relationship for 7yrs now and some days are harder than others but communication is what gets us through. You have to be willing to talk things out and see each others point of view. And, if the relationship is an unhealthy one then you have to know when to let go. Keep up the great work Amy!

    • Hello!
       
      There is just no end to the intimacy and friendship that can exist between two people when they are honest and share their emotions
       
      Communication is the key to everything, I am so glad you are able to talk openly, not being able feel free in a relationship is the worst feeling imaginable!

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