Have you ever had a sudden, intense, overwhelming attraction to someone?
An attraction so strong it made you feel dizzy, giddy, and pleasantly irrational?
Despite the overwhelming intensity of attractions like these, and all the fantasy filled day dreaming they inspire, these heart pounding experiences are often passing interests, centered on emotions that usually do not run very deep
Anyone who has ever dated, had a crush, an affair, a fling, or even flirted, knows that these crazy, chemical inspirations inevitably fade away for one reason or another
So what creates these flashes of electric madness?
Maybe the person was extraordinarily attractive, maybe they reminded us of someone else, maybe they made us feel young again, maybe they made us feel appreciated, maybe they were the new person at the office, or in the less noble cases, maybe they were just there
Whatever the reason, even though these feelings are so incredibly intense, if one has experienced this a few times, it is also not an incredible surprise when these feelings start to dwindle
As proof of the notion that “easy come, easy go”, I have had overwhelming attractions abruptly end just because the person said or did something I thought was dumb or inappropriate, and in some cases the feelings faded for no reason at all. Even though I may have seen someone as the most attractive person in the world, a few missteps and they became grosser than China’s foreign policies
After having chased after a number of “exciting” relationship partners, I have learned that attraction can happen instantly, but intimate love takes time to build
Over time I learned that if my heart, mind, and body are capable of being uncontrollably, and irreversibly fickle, it is safe to say that I probably didn’t really love a number of the people I was attracted to
Most people would agree that intimate love is built on trust, a mutual understanding of one another, commitment, and a variety of other factors. People wouldn’t categorize love as something that goes away quickly, or just disappears, because someone showed up 15 minutes late to a dinner party, took an important phone call while on a date, or all the other random things that can happen sometimes
Personally, I think that love relies on optimism and hope more than anything
Think about how wonderful it is to meet a new romantic interest. The start of a relationship is often seen as the most exciting, fun, carefree time that a couple will experience together. It is at this point that people present themselves in the best light possible, and often make great efforts to please each other
However, as time goes on, people have a tendency to change
The most common thing that causes relationships to deteriorate is when couples start taking each other for granted. Once this happens, a person’s focus may shift to different things, and they do not put as much effort into the relationship as they used to. Shortly after, even the most passionate relationship can start to have its luster fade, and then the heart, mind, and body loses interest
It is simple, once someone loses their appreciation for something, the perception of its value and importance dwindles
If something, or someone, is no longer seen as important, it is not given a lot of attention. And as discussed, if the attachment to someone is not very deep, the relationship will not last long
I am very glad that God’s love isn’t as passing as the love of mankind, even at its best, and I have always seen that following God’s example of love is the best way to sustain a relationship, friendship, even a business partnership
God’s love for us is everlasting and will never change, because He is love itself
I am glad God doesn’t have flings, and loves us with sincerity, patience, and keeps his eyes focused on us
Song of Solomn 4:6-7
Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense.
All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you
Wow, this really brought back memories of past experiences. I’m so glad I realized the great importance of guarding my heart.
It is great to know that you learned some important lessons along the way, losing time to bad relationships is something that we can never gain back.
Beautiful. God is all you need. He may call some of us to stay single, with only one relationship: The one between you and Him.
Hi Carley, thank you for writing. In recent days I have thought a lot about those who remain set apart, it is not for everyone, but I certainly respect the dedication, and desire to make God their number one focus.
Wow this really hit home, i just went through this with someone i was dating. I really needed to read this story and I think i will send it to the person I was reffering to and it will help him understand that he didnt and couldnt love me, it was simply desire and loneliness that creates that “in love” feeling because you cannot love someone you only been out with four or five times in almost a year….lol…god bless him anyway…..and god bless you for printing this here…..i needed that.
Thank you for writing! I think it is very easy for people to instantly fall “madly in love” when they want to be loved back in a way that is born of emotional insecurity. I believe that love grows over time, but that its seed can take root at a very early stage, perhaps even the first date. But the fantasy of someone being “the one” is sometimes a blinding projection, as it can make two people complete strangers due to the fact that there is no ability to truly see each other past the projections. I hope that God brings both of you to a place where there is no more reaction or attraction to situations like that!
No relationship will last unless God is the one that chooses for you if got hurt in a relationship before it was your fault nobody els’s so accept the consequences and move on
Hi Anne. The point of this article is to reflect on common relationship issues in order to become better in the present and future. Blaming ourselves without giving consideration for how the problems started, or if we are living in an emotional or physical pattern, is not the best way to learn. Have you had some bad relationships in the past yourself?
no thank God! i’m only 16. since i’m in high school i’m surronded by girls who think they have fond the right one but at the end they get there heart broken, i have no tolerence for them. we need to include God in everything that we do and choosing someone to spend the rest of your life with(forever and ever and ever, you should not go chasing everyone you see just because you think they might be ‘the one’ and in doing so you might jeopardize your whole married life. (unless you divorce which is against scritures: unless you are not going to look for some other ‘the one’)
I am a college Freshman. I spent my junior and senior years of highschool caught up in one of these kinds of relationships. My junior year I got to know her (I am a male) very well. She had a traumatic past, and I was there for her, both in person and on the phone whenever she needed it. I comforted her at first, but as she began to get to the point where she would ask for help, I told her I couldn’t do any more than what I had already, I pointed her each time towards God after i gave her the best answer I could. After months of this she asked how to become a Christian. I told her it was as simple as asking God. So after that she began to really heal and she become a happier person. During this time we became attracted to eachother and by the time senior year started we were going out. Our relationship became very intense, and unfortunatley for us became physical. Now, shortly before that point I had felt that initial chemical attraction wear off. I began to feel negatively towards her. As much as my heart went out to her pat pain, she wasn’t the kind of person who I wanted to actually be in a relationship with.
Things ended horribly, and I went on a downward spiral after finally ending things with her. Of course my story is extreme, (much more happened that I haven’t posted here) but the course of the relationship is going to be the same for most people. You feel strongly, you go head over heals, and then when you get right side up again, (when your love goggles are off) you realize you’re in a place you don’t want to be in. You’ve prabably said things you shouldn’t (I love you, I want to be with you forever) and now you are finding it hard to get out of it all. You have to suck it up. As soon as those feelings wear off you have to fix it all as best you can. 90% of the time you won’t be able to fix it all, actually, you probably will ruin a lot of things. So when you get attracted to someone, wait. Don’t indulge it, use restraint and always be skeptical of just how strongly you feel for someone. During the pubescent years our bodies are pumped full of hormones and you will feel more strongly about things at this time than you ever will as an adult. So whatch yourself, because it is far better to deny yourself the ability to act on those first emotions than to dig a pit that you can’t get out of
without a lot of pain, and in my case, the undoing of all of that positive movement towards God in both her life and mine.
Nothing says more about us than the partners we choose, and we learn a lot despite the bumpy ride
As a Christian I want to pass on the lessons I learned to my children and everyone around me, our path to salvation and perfection should not go unheralded!
A favorite comment a teacher (in christ) once made was “When you start to like somebody… when you’re at that point in your relationship where you get butterflies and daydreams about them. Tell them your name… get to know them in group situations. And keep getting to know them… until you stop getting butterflies and ask yourself if you would still spend the rest of your life with this women/man…if the life of christ is in them… if it is, then ask her out. If it isn’t. Then let it die.” … this was in reference to YA dating…